Book Review: Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life
I absolutely love this book by Gary John Bishop! It basically tells you that you are not as important as you think you are in the universe, that are problems are mostly self-created, that your issues are just small somethings is a big sea of somethings, and that you need to get your shit together if you want change. It shares many profound quotes and asks thought-provoking questions. It identifies your weaknesses and helps you strengthen them. Let’s jump into this review:
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You are 100% responsible for what you do and the aftermath of those decisions in your life, ALWAYS.
There are 7 assertions to live by:
Assertion (n.) - a confident and forceful statement of fact or belief.
I am willing
You must be willing to accept the things that happened in your life that you had no/zero say in and take 100% responsibility for the things that will take place afterwards in your life. You are responsible for every single thing. Absolutely no excuses!
Grant yourself the grace to embrace acceptance. Just as you've gotten yourself into sticky situations with the decisions you've made in the past, you can make different decisions to get out of those situations if you are willing.
Face your reality. If you are not doing what it takes to make a change then what you are stating is that you are unwilling.
Here is your reality:
I am unwilling to stop eating all the foods I love just to get the body I used to have when I was younger.
I am unwilling to sacrifice time with my family to make extra money.
Stating that you are unwilling to do things, will remove regret, resentment, and guilt. If your words do not align with your actions, this is a prime example of why you should state what you are unwilling to do it.
Stop saying that you are willing and not putting action behind it then feeling sorry for yourself. Admitting that you are unwilling puts your mind at ease. Get in tune with yourself. Be okay with not being willing to do things that you want to do until you are willing to do them.
We all build things to be much bigger than they really are. Most of the time, the task that we are facing is a lot simpler than we think it is. We don't take enough time to really look and analyze what's really happening.
Ask yourself every day and every night "Am I willing?" Every single day. Every single night. Until you hear a definitely YES.
I am wired to win
Even when you think you are losing, you are winning. Everything that happens is really a victory because you're an undefeated champion. Everything you've set your mind to has come true.
Note from Nat: This got me about relationships!
"You wanted that failed relationship."
Gary goes on to state:
What if you subconsciously picked that person in the first place?
What if you've created that ideal character to recreate the same life over and over again?
What if you are actually driven by the notion that no one will ever love you?
What if it was planted there from a childhood?
What if you actively and deliberately unmind and downplay the success of your relationships?
You've become sensitive to problems where there were actually none.
You started picking at and getting annoyed by the smallest things.
Over time, you've proved your point until your relationship withered to the point of no return.
What if this is what you've become wired to win at?
What if you have been systematically set out to prove it and you've succeeded!
Consider your subconscious thoughts behind your strongest desires. Your actions are aligned with your subconscious about your career, your fitness, and your relationships. You are always winning. The trouble comes from a subconscious level. What you say you want and what you truly want subconsciously are different. Your path is dictated by the latter. Look deep into what you really, really desire and create a reality to align your reality with what you truly want.
How to do this:
Look at your problem areas
Uncover how you have limited yourself
The conclusions are in the limits of your potential
I've got this
Get connected to your real life instead of the emotionally soaked, self-loathing self-talk narrative about your life. We need to shift how we view our problems and the world and tackle those with a grounded approach. Everyone has problems. Life will never be perfect.
You will have to do things with people you don't like and in places you don't care for.
People will leave your life just as quickly as they've come into it.
You will lose money.
Things will break.
You will get through it all just like you did in the past. These are all just passing scenes in the movie that is your life story. Look at your problems like this:
Everything that you're dealing with in this point in time is just "something" in a sea of something.
This will pass!
If you cannot see the solution to a problem, that means you are too close to it. Zoom out a little! Take a step back.
Our mind is not always rational. We have cognitive biases and emotions. We are sometimes too close and involved with it.
We create our own misery by telling ourselves things that are not true. If things are not in focus, take many steps until you free yourself of emotional anger. You must realize that your problems are just another bump in a road.
You were made for this shit! You had it then and you have it now!
I embrace the uncertainty
We seek the certain and avoid the uncertain. You are an addict for prediction trying to figure out what will happen. We want to be prepared and safe for EVERYTHING. You're an addict. We size people before we even know them. We wait months and even years to make sure the person is "the one" before making things “official”.
We chase what doesn't exist.
Reality about certainty: You will never be able to hold it or retain it because it doesn't exist. It is a complete allusion.
All I know is that I know nothing. When we think we know everything, we turn away from the unknown, and by default, whole new realms of success. Wise people know this.
You can change your life if you abandon the notion that other people's opinion matter. Life goes on, opinion heavy or light. If you want to win, you have to be willing to be judged by others and not let it bother you.
When you stop searching for certainty, when you quit trying to make sense of everything, a lot of your stress will melt away. There is nothing to figure out. What you will realize is that the thing that causes most of your worry is trying to predict the future and then refusing to accept things when they don't or aren't going to go your way.
The only thing that is guaranteed in life is that it's uncertain.
The only thing we know is that we know nothing.
I am not my thoughts, I am what I do
Every day you engage in activities that you don't want to do. We have thoughts, positive or negative, about our life each day, and still manage to pay our bills, go to work, and take care of our loved ones. You don’t have to feel like it to get it done. If you sit around waiting to be in the perfect mood or time, you'll just be waiting.
The next time you get a thought that dis-empowers you, move on immediately. Act independently of that thought. Train your mind to act independently of how you feel. Fuck how you feel, ACT. Don't wait on the right feeling, just DO IT.
Positive thinking isn't a prediction of positive outcomes any more than negative thinking is a prediction of failure. All of the people you admire, the people who went on to be successful, wealthy, impactful, etc. acted in spite of their internal conditions and negative thoughts. ← because they have them too!
You can act outside of your thoughts too. Take all of your negative BS for the ride because this is it. You will never have a better moment than THIS.
Don't know where to start? Find out. Ask questions, seek advice. Get up and move.
Action may not bring happiness but there is no happiness without action. - Benjamin Disraeli
I am relentless
People get used to relating to you as a specific kind of person. Whenever you attempt to break out of that mold, not only are you messing with your world, you're messing with their world too.
You have to have the relentlessness to keep moving and moving. When it comes down to it, the world will not stop you from accomplishing your goals. You are not that big of a deal. The universe is not for you or against you. Only you can control that.
Don't listen to people who think who think they have answers. Call them out on that BS. They are winging it just like most of us is. Some of us are just less wrong than others but remember that nothing is ever certain. Things are changing constantly. Today's right could be tomorrow's wrong. What was right for them may not be right for you.
If you have nothing else, you have relentlessness. It has one option and that is → to move forward. You have to keep going either way with this option.
When you are tracking through the jungle, you don't know if you're 3 days or 30 mins away from civilization. All you can do is walk. The same approach is taken when you are relentless.
The only way out is forward.
I expect nothing. I accept everything.
We often set up a world of hidden expectations. If you’ve experienced disappointment, resentment, regret, suppression, anger, lethargy, etc. essentially anywhere where you've experienced a suppressive emotions, you have these expectations. If you look at these places long enough, you'll realize that the reality of your life is somewhere short of your expectations.
Your problems don't derail you, your hidden expectations do. The expectations of how life should be doesn't do you any good. You're actually more winded by the blow your expectations took than by the situation itself.
We are less powerful to not take things as they arise than to constantly expect.
Not expecting doesn’t mean not to have standards or plan. Planning is not the problem. It's the attachment to the planning and all the expectations that come with it. When the plan you thought of is no longer relevant, you struggle with the space between expectation and reality. Sometimes you need to realize when to pivot when things have changed because things change.
Expectations are important, but lose the attachment to it. If change is needed, deal with it as it arises.
"No man is free who has not mastered himself" - Epictetus
This assertion is not submission of life.
When you expect nothing, you are living in the now. You are not living in the past or rejecting the future. You are embracing your situation as it comes. When you accept everything, you don't have to like it or agree with it. You simply own it. You can always change something when you take ownership of it.
Instead of silently expecting something then feelings slighted when it doesn't happen, let go of the expectation. How about actually asking for what you want.
→Execute your vision and deal with what happens. Celebrate victories, learn from defeat.
→Be free to love them the way they are and be free to be loved how people love you.
→Get out of your head and powerfully into your life.
→Disagreements, disappointments, and barriers are a part of everyone's life.
→Stay out of the swamp of mediocrity and drama. Don't get stuck in them.
→Embrace your potential.
No one can save or shift you. It is your responsibility.
Stop doing what you have been doing - Look at the things that are sourcing the problems and STOP doing it. Act on what would make the biggest difference in your life. Call yourself out on the bullshit.
Start taking the actions to propel you forward - Build positive habits that will place you in the right direction.
Remind yourself that one are you are going to die day. All of the planning, positive thinking alone, and anxiety meds aren't going to improve your life if you will not take action. You can't expect change if you are not willing to take action. Stop waiting on the right time. There is no perfect mood. Your life will not get better.
Successful people don't wait. They act in spite of their thoughts. They try and they fail even before they may feel ready. Your internal condition means nothing. It is just another excuse to avoid the risky parts of life.
"Why is that you show more passion for your past than you do for your future?"
You may not like everything from your past but it has helped shape who you are good or bad. If you want it enough, act on it enough.
Claim your greatness! Take a stand for your potential. Apply this. ACT.