Books: The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck
TOP 10 LIFE CHANGING TIPS TO HELP YOU GET AND KEEP YOUR LIFE TOGETHER
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I stumbled upon this book through the browse section of Audible. I was looking for some no BS self-improvement books that won't politely tell me to get my sh*t together. I needed something to help with anxiety and accepting reality as is it. The universe sent me this. I highly recommend listening to the audio book over reading it since it's such an expressive book. Although there are a million swear words in it, the message is extremely helpful. Let's hop into!
AVOID THE FEEDBACK LOOP FROM HELL.
Stop giving your feedback, feedback. In other words, avoid having thoughts about your thoughts. I think we all do this.
Example: you feel bad about a decision you've made but you know it was necessary to make. Now you feel bad about feeling bad since you know it had to be done. You get even more upset that you are even having second thoughts about it after the decision was made.
That is example is the perfect feedback loop from hell. We make ourselves feel worse by having feelings about your feelings. I am always somewhere in between brush it off and don't think about it and feel that ish and get over it.
Message I received: Feel what you're going to feel even if it's shitty. Get through it and get it over with.
GIVE A F*CK ABOUT LESS
I saw a message somewhere on social media saying, "don't let the internet rush you". This section of the book was very straight forward. Simply put, care about the true, immediate, and important stuff. Decide what's f*ckworthy.
Message I received: Stop letting people who only show you highlights of their lives on social media and TV tell you what's worth giving a damn about. Materialistic things are nice to have but they will not fill voids for you nor can you take those things with you when you die. Give a f*ck about less.
UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THE PARADOX OF LIFE
The desire of a more positive experience is in turn a negative experience. The acceptance of a negative experience is a positive experience. In other words, you if accept that things will happen in and out of your control. Trying to force positive situations will cause you to have a negative experience, reaction, circumstance. The fact that you are trying is an indication that you lack. Trying to be happy is an indication that happiness may not be present.
Message I received: Accept experiences as they happen and handle them within your control. Happiness comes in waves as does negative experiences. Learn to ride things out. Make sound decisions and understand that force never works.
YOUR BRAIN IS MEANT TO BE EFFICIENT, NOT ACCURATE.
This point was a huge one for me because we don't allow one another to be human. We are way too hard on one another in many areas of life. You will regularly fail at trying to live up to your own values, but it's a worthy struggle. You are human.
Message I received: You are not perfect. Your brain was not meant to be perfect. You will fail and be wrong many times and that is okay. Allow yourself to be human.
ADVERSITY AND SUFFERING BUILDS US TO BE GREAT HUMAN BEINGS.
Negative feelings are not a bad thing. It's simply feedback from our emotions and decisions.
Message I received: So many people say they are grown until it's time to apologize and communicate. Healthy topics that are sometimes uncomfortable need to be discussed regardless of what one person feels about the other. Things that are important and valued by both individuals should be clear, but sometimes our way of communicating those things aren't always the best. Adversity will teach you a lot.
HAPPINESS REQUIRES STRUGGLE.
There is value in suffering. The example in the book was great. It discussed fitness which is one of my hugest struggles. If you want to be fit and healthy then you must go through aches and pain of exercise to get your body used to training and conditioning. Once you reach your desired goal, I am sure you will be happy but struggle was present until you reach that point of happiness.
Message I received: If you want to be happy, know that it's not a destination to arrive at. It is a point to reach and a feeling you aspire to consistently have. All in all, it will require some sort of struggle.
YOU ARE ALWAYS CHOOSING.
You must understand that what happens may not be your fault, but it's your responsibility to choose how you deal with what has happened. There is always a choice. Sometimes it's your fault because of the cause and effect theory. However, something like getting robbed is not your fault yet it's your responsibility to choose how you will respond to this uninvited thing.
Message I received: There is always a choice including choosing not to choose.
THE JOY IS IN THE CLIMB.
You can't be rewarded without the struggle. What are you being rewarded for? The journey to the trophy, the path to the light is what makes the destination that much more worth it.
Message I received: If you don't work for what you want, you won't appreciate the prize when you get it.
THE MORE UNCOMFORTABLE THE ANSWER, THE MORE LIKELY THE ANSWER IS TO BE TRUE.
If you think about it, many things have a point of value and a metric you use to measure that value. The thing that you value is measured in a way that makes you feel failure. If you didn't value it, you wouldn't have a negative experience with it.
I received two messages:
ONE: If you truly don't care about it, it won't affect you. However, if you place value on something like your character then you measure it with what people say about you (the ones you care about the most). You care about what they say because you value those people as well.
Value - what you want your character to be and how you carry yourself.
Metric - what the people you care about most say about your character which is determined by your actions.
If these don't align, your brain will equate it to failure. We have to remember that our thoughts are not facts or reality but this is how we all use the value/metric strategy.
TWO: I also received confirmation that "a hit dog will holler".
AVOID SH*TTY VALUES: ALWAYS BEING RIGHT
We misjudge, we misremember facts. We are constantly wrong. Our brain is meant to be efficient NOT accurate. If you're always right, you lack opportunities to learn more, a constant state of growth.
Message I received: If you value always being right, you couldn't be more wrong. You will never be right, things will never be right because things change, advance, and improve. New ideas are discovered, you change your mind, you evolve. If you can't be open enough to learn about that, you have a shitty value.
I have listened to this book many times. There were so many valid points in it. I do not agree with the positive affirmation idea that it's an indication of lack. Positive affirmations are also meant to maintain a certain mindset. It doesn't mean the topic isn't present.
Listen to this book for yourself or buy it at Amazon! Tell me your thoughts. If you've read it, what were your favorite parts of the books? Comment below.