The Unedited Truth About Why You're Still Stuck in the Same Place
“I got tired of catching up with everyone and hearing all of the things they had going on, and only having a response about my oldest or newest relationship.”, a paraphrased statement from a recent conversation I’ve had. You know what I respect the most? People who are honest with themselves, the ones who are vulnerable enough to admit they’ve fucked up. It’s the only way to improve after admission and the willpower to do so.
With that said, I had to be real with myself a little over a year ago. I’d reached a point of not feeling fulfilled in any area of my life. I had to take a step back and look at my actions or lack thereof and the people around me to tell myself the harsh truths.
Many of those truths are shared with people who are still stuck in the same place they were a year or more ago. I’ve since made several changes since then, I thought I’d share a harsh reality with you if you’re stuck today:
You're settling for control
As we all know, there are very few things you can control in life. You may think you will not "risk" your money being wasted, time being wasted, embarrassment of failure, etc. but the truth is, you are stuck because you are settling.
You settled for where you live, who you are with, and your level of happiness (granted you're not incapacitated or disabled). I can hear it now. Everyone has different levels of education, certain living conditions they didn't ask for, different health issues and challenges that they have.
I understand this. Some things you have no control over. You have to deal with the hand you've been dealt with. But, let's take a second to identify what we can control. We can control how we respond to the hand we've been dealt with. Remember, we can always control how we react to things even if they are not our fault.
The point that I am making here is that we underestimate our ability to rise above many things that we've made ourselves victims to or believe that we can't control. We've made excuses on why something didn't happen or couldn't happen. We've given up on trying because "this position in life" feels comfortable.
In order to move to a better position, stop trying to control everything. You just can’t so live a little. If you want to be happy, make the choice to be happy with what you have. Happiness, you can also control.
You don't love yourself as much as you thought you did
Ouch! This one kind of hurt. I told myself this and let it settle in.
You have been so busy being what everyone else needs, trying to prove your love and loyalty that you forgot to love yourself the exact same way, if not better.
Two things you need to know:
- There is nothing wrong with loving yourself back to health in any aspect of your life. (Tweet that!)
- Stop entertaining manipulative people who make you feel guilty for doing something for yourself when it does not benefit them. (Tweet that too!)
I remember having a discussion about redefining loyalty with a close childhood friend. Redefining loyalty is important for us to do because we have to evaluate what loyalty really means. Many of us have had the word “loyalty” defined by our hood, society or culture. While I don’t disagree with many of those teachings, I do acknowledge that some of the teachings tell us to be there for others beyond our limits.
We have to think about what being loyal means to our well-being. Many of us try so hard to keep up an imagine that we cater to the needs of others way more than we cater to ourselves mentally, physically, and financially. We’ve somehow defined loyalty as an obligation, duty and service beyond due diligence to self. Let’s learn to choose us for a chance!
We are all created with some kind of talent or gift. Whether you believe that or not, you have something that other people want or need even if you have not found what IT is. With all due respect, please love yourself more.
You care too much about "they"
DJ Khaled blessed us with this colloquialism which describes what many of us think about: What will "they" have to say? What will "they" think?
If you haven’t gathered who “they” is by now, they are naysayers or a group of people whose opinion doesn’t matter yet we watch our every moves to avoid their opinion somehow.
To some degree, I am guilty of this one when it comes to the people that I care about and value. However, I do know and understand that I can’t live a good life without opposition. This includes Naysayers.
If you base your every move on what other people will think or say about you, you will forever be stuck. You’ll lack growth and you’ll never truly appreciate who you really are because you compare yourself to society’s standards. Please dead those thoughts.
You have a long-term relationship with self-doubt
At some point you've told yourself that you can't succeed at whatever you really have thought about doing. You’ve given up before you’ve started. We could even say it’s laziness but I won’t reach for that. You and doubt have a full blown relationship and somehow you've created a fear that has you paralyzed you.
Break up with self-doubt. Get around other people who are doing something productive and will help motivate and teach you. The people around you who are not doing anything will not help elevate you.
You are competing with your imagination
You thought your life would be "this way" with "these people" doing "these things". You’ve taken steps to mold your life into the lifestyle you desire and now you’re confused because “it’s always something” in the way of making things happen.
Well, it’s always going to be “something”. “Something” is a part of life. The unedited truth is that whatever you’ve envisioned for yourself may or may not ever happen because sometimes the universe just has other things in store for us. The catch is, things will not go 100% the way you’ve envisioned and that, my friend, is where the comparison and competition starts in your brain.
For some people, none of what they thought would happen has transpired and the problem is they keep trying to make it happen. Sometimes it's just the universe telling you that you were never supposed to be or have what you saw in your imagination. Maybe your purpose is happening now, there's something bigger in store and you need to embrace that.
Does this sound familiar? You keep failing at the same lessons. You keep attracting the same men or women. You keep getting stuck on the same level of business. You can't seem to get past a certain number in sales. You can't seem to get through to your child who reluctantly refuses to follow your path. These examples are your “something”.
But, what if you start to look at it in a different way? What if you have the capability to be more, earn more, give more, and improve overall? What if you’re in your own way by blocking opportunities because you’re too busy competing with your imagination?
Listen, I am not here to tell you that your dreams can’t come true. I don’t know you, your experiences or what you want to have in your life. What I do know is that sometimes we are are the reason for our setbacks. We refuse to learn lessons so repeat them. We refuse to let people go. We refuse to level up because of what we thought we needed in order for us to have good rather than great.
Remember this: Happiness is not a destination that you find, settle on, and live at permanently. The things you think will bring you happiness are only temporary because happiness comes in waves. Think about that. Sometimes you’ll feel satisfied, happy, accomplished, free, and unconcerned. Other times, not so much. All of these things are perfectly fine to feel.
Take away: Get unstuck with action. Meaningful, intentional action. Once you accomplish one goal, move on to the next and keep an open mind when life throws a lemon and be strong enough to endure your lesson and accept change. You’ll be fine.