5 Incredibly Uncomfortable Things That Will Happen In Solitude

5 Incredibly Uncomfortable Things That Will Happen In Solitude

Solitude can be used to strengthen your mind, heart, and soul. It is meant to help you learn and heal simultaneously. It is not meant for you to suffer although you’ll experience growing pains while in it. It is a safe place of peace that welcomes you when you’re wounded. It is also a safe place for you to understand, accept, and improve your decision making; to reflect and regroup.

There are 5 things that happen when we freely and openly accept solitude:



You’re going to replay things that have happened in your life to understand how you could have reacted differently. You will think about every detail of an event the weather, how you were feeling, your thoughts when you woke up that day, what you wore, who you saw, what was said, etc.  This stage is normal, but it’s also where many people get stuck for years! They replay what happened and remind themselves to go into a protective life to avoid it happening again. This is not healing. It is called masking pain or dwelling in the past.

Visit this place called reflection. Understand the lessons you were to learn. Reflect on the things that you could have done better so you can make better decisions going forward. Visit this place, but don’t stay here for too long. Reflect on how your past has contributed to your current position in life today. Identify the things that need to change.

Replay then decide to replace with improved decisions going forward.


My goodness! This is such a hard stage for many people to get passed. I, too, have many things that I am having a hard time working through, but I know this is the only way out.

You may ask:

  • How do I accept the things that I don’t agree with?

  • How do I say that things are okay when other people don’t care to realize their fault or contribution to my hurt?

  • How do I accept something that is not my fault?

The answer:

You have to decide that what’s happened has already passed and that you can not change the event(s).

I can’t tell you how to feel or think. You have to do that for yourself. Accepting is saying “this happened to me, it was messed up. ‘This’ is how I will handle myself going forward”. Or to bring names, titles, or life to the sentence, “He treated me this way for years, I wish he knew how I felt but it’s killing me to hold on to this pain. I will decide today that I will no longer carry this hurt and move towards positivity.”

Sometimes when your heart is wounded, your mind won’t accept it. Your mind wants closure, but sometimes waiting on closure is what kills you. You may have to create closure for yourself to let that hurt go. Speaking and affirming that you will improve and move on daily will help you. Literally telling yourself, ‘I refuse to entertain this’ today will help.

This is hard work. You have to actively practice to train your mind to move towards things that make you happy and fulfilled in life for your benefit.

You may have to cut some family members off. You may hurt some folk. You may disappoint friends. You may be all negative these things to all these different people. But, one thing you will be to yourself is loving, respectful, and happy. It only takes a decision.

I can’t tell you how to heal. I just know you must heal. You must try to heal by using methods that work for you. The only way is to accept and take responsibility for your situation is to own your future moves. You can’t keep going back and forcing yourself to suffer.

When you refuse to accept and take ownership of what’s happened, you re-live your terror or hurt over and over again. Release yourself. Own you, don’t let it own you.



After you accept your past and decide to own your future, old things must die. Change will happen when you’re in solitude. In order to get to the next level, the next positive change, you must kill the things that are holding you back from moving forward. This includes all the toxic things that got you in a space of being alone.

Most of the ideas you’ve had before about yourself and your lifestyle before you arrived in solitude must change. Change is death to something. Things must die while you’re in this space.

The expectations that you’ve had for someone else or something else must die as well. During this time, you must kill off something old to birth something better and new!


Once you’ve made the decision to change, get accustomed to a different mindset, thought-process and/or lifestyle by executing the changes you want to see. It’s time to live and move with intention and allow change to take its course. Like anything that heals, there will be discomfort.

As you heal, you’ll learn that the things that used to bother you, no longer bother you. You’ll learn that the things that you’ve done in the past, no one can use against you. You’ll heal beautifully as long as you love yourself and take full responsibility for your future self.

If you love the wine, be patient with the grape
— - Jaiya John


Each stage will build you to be a stronger being. As you actively do the self-work, you can kill and rebirth yourself as needed without a second thought. You’ll notice that with each new birth, you will be able to withstand heavier burdens and amounts of pressure. Negative things won’t be able to interrupt your peace. You’ll vibrate on a much higher frequency.

The new you will have higher standards. You will learn what you like and don’t like (reflection). You will decide how you will deal with certain people once you decide to own your future (acceptance). The new you will also be proud to release all of the old, toxic things that were dragging you through the mud (death). You will live a life of reaching and attaining the things that make your soul happy and fulfilled (healing). <-- This will require a little research of self, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel once each wound heals. Most importantly, you will love the new person you’re becoming.

Solitude is a necessity. It can be uncomfortable. It will suck. But, it’s totally worth it!

The Anatomy of Personal Boundaries

The Anatomy of Personal Boundaries

5 Reminders That Your Pain Is the Path To Growth

5 Reminders That Your Pain Is the Path To Growth