30 Failed Lessons: 30 things I know now at 30
Goodness! If I could've only understood this when I was younger, I would've made better decisions across the board. I get that I would've missed out on valuable lessons had I not made many bad decisions, but I sure would have avoided some very painful moments.
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Protect my energy
Energy is everything. I learned about its importance back in 2014 after a breakup. I believe I read a book called The Secret. Many of you probably have heard of it and whether you have or not, it'll help you with your thoughts and managing your energy levels for starters.
Then I've gone to read, or rather listen, to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck". More perspective came after I finished this book. My mentality and understanding advanced when it came to protecting my energy; choosing what the f*ck to care about.
Over time, I've learned that energy is an intangible thing you feel that shifts your moods from positive to negative even in the slightest way. Energy affects your thoughts, habits, and decisions. It affects what you attract into your life. It has everything to do with what you choose to focus on.
It's so contagious that you can literally feel the energy of others in a room, over the phone, and by reading. You can hear tone when people write then feel a way after you read it (or not…just depends on what you choose to allow to affect you).
I didn't realize how unprotected I was until 29. I didn't realize how wrong I was about so many things. Before my 30th birthday, I felt myself changing but didn't know what the heck was going on with me.
I was growing y'all. Fast! I was different and even more adamant about protecting my energy. This is my best lesson to date.
Let it flow
As I've learned more about energy, I've come to a clear understanding about it. No one can interrupt your energy unless you allow them to. Letting things flow is more of an acceptance strategy. Knowing that things could go right or wrong and accepting the things you can't change is how you let it flow.
You see, you can control how you react to all things, although you can't necessarily control all things. Choosing to accept things as they will be, choosing to make the best educated decisions you know how, and accepting the outcomes of those things as well as taking responsibility for how you respond to the outcomes is also a way to let it flow.
Don't get me wrong, you have to care about something and can't let all things "flow". But, you must choose what you will place value on and identify the things you can and can not control. Make sure you choose wisely. Once you've identified the things that are out of your control.
Let it flow.
Allow people to be what you are: human
I didn't used to be this person. If it didn't go with what I believed, it wasn't heard. Typical narcissist cancer shit, right?
Things have changed since I was younger. Aren't we all on some foolishness before we blossom into great people? I've been wrong about a lot of shit, a lot! But, I am aware of my flaws and past mistakes and take full responsibility for them. There are so many things that I used to judge pretty harshly and have found myself later doing them, liking them, or even understanding them. I've come back to earth since I've turned 30, 29 really.
One thing I've owned and implemented is to try to understand the "why" before you make a premature statement that appears thoughtless, tasteless, and downright rude.
These days you can't have an opinion about nothing, especially on social media, without someone being offended or finding darkness in everything. Society is so sensitive yet so beasty these days, but I digress.
What have I learned from all this?
Stop putting expectations on people based off of what you would or wouldn't do. Let people bump their head or go through whatever it is that they are dealing with. I had to learn the hard way. Lost a few friends over it. Walked away from a few people as well.
You don't have to agree, but allow people to be different. Allow them to make mistakes and be human.
"Be quiet, Nat.", "Wait, think about that before you say it." <-- All things I have to do before I speak my mind. I have to filter a lot when speaking to people. That little voice protects me. Yours probably does too.
Some of us have adopted discernment, others well... that's another story. A gold token I've learned during this journey so far is to learn to shut up. Let people think what they want, assume what they want because one thing for sure is that you cannot make someone think or feel differently about anything unless they choose to do so.
Also, you don't have to respond to everything. Everything doesn't need a discussion or debate. You don't have to have a comment about everyone else's business. You don't have to tell everyone your business. You do not have to have "a say" about things that:
a) don't affect you
b) don't affect your family
c) don't affect your money
Learn to be quiet and make educated responses or refer back to the first 4 words in this sentence. When we respond to every little thing, we are choosing to care about things that hold no value to our purpose. We are taking our focus off what we are supposed to be doing and we are wasting precious time we won't get back. Be thoroughly consistent with minding your business.
People loveeeee to tell people how to feel, think, react, choose, be, etc. They also love to tell you what worked for them and assume you'd have the same results. Life isn't cookie cutter like that. That's why it's important to stop telling people what you would do if you've never experience what they're going through or have been through. As a matter of fact, even if you've dealt with something similar, you'd never be in their shoes because you are not them and they are not you. You will not respond the same way to the same things.
If you have never experienced the same things, remember that you can only imagine what you'd do. The journey to 30 has taught me that less is more and that goes for speaking less, judging less.
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Here are 25 more lessons life taught me:
6. Look at things for what they are, at face value. Actions will tell you way more than words ever will. (Tweet it)
7. Saying NO is for you, not the person you are saying NO to. (Tweet it)
8. Create boundaries in all areas of life. They protect your energy. (Tweet it)
9. Do not stress over inconsistent people. People make time for what they want. (Tweet it)
10. Admit to your mistakes. No one can bash you for shit you already owned up to. You did it. It doesn't define who you are. You learned from your mistakes. Move on.
11. If you are going to do something for someone, don't bring it back up. It reverses the genuine aspect of you doing it in the first place.
12. Failing is very important in life. It's how you learn. It is an indication that you need to do something different, go another way.
13. People are not responsible for your happiness. That ball stays in your court. (Tweet that)
14. You have the right to change your mind and give yourself grace after you do it. (Tweet that)
15. Everything isn't about you. Stop taking things so personally. Most people have their own stuff to deal with and as selfish as they may seem, some people just aren't aware of your feelings.
16. Two truths can be present. Your truth and the truth of someone else. Because we are all different, our perception of "what happened" can be different. One perception doesn't make the other one wrong regardless of the opinions of others.
17. You can't tell someone how they feel. You just can't.
18. If it doesn't bother you, you wouldn't talk about it.
19. If it don't apply, let it fly. Everything does not need a response or reaction. (Tweet it)
20. Tell people you love them while they are alive.
21. Each friend has their own place. All will not serve the same purpose, therefore you shouldn't expect each friend to do as the others nor do as you would. Hard lesson I had to learn.
22. You will learn who your real friends are when you start a business. Your friends don't have to support you financially, but they can surely support you in other ways like saying "I am proud of you", or giving you feedback when needed, or simply asking how your life is going considering that you have started anything new (new mother, new business, new relationship, new lifestyle, etc.).
23. Love your real female friends just as much as you love these dudes. Be your sister's keeper. There are females who will be there long after dudes. Know them. Recognize them. Appreciate them.
24. Entrepreneurship is a tough rollercoaster. Stop letting the success of others make you feel like you're a failure. (Tweet that)
25. Nurture relationships. Stop communicating only when you need to be heard or need something. (Tweet it)
26. Just shut up and do it. Stop sharing your next, best moves with everyone. Move in silence.
27. People will show their ass when you start a business. Stay calm and keep it professional, but know that you don't have to deal with it either.
28. Surround yourself with people who pursue success just as much as you do. Keep that network diverse. (Tweet it)
29. Date someone who has something going for themselves, someone equally busy, someone you can build with and who supports the hustle.
30. Loyalty doesn't mean to make someone else happy at the expense of yours. (Tweet that)
31. It is unfair to make people compete against your imagination. Folks can't read your mind nor should you make them responsible for your happiness.
There is so much more that I've learned at the age of 30. If you're reading this at a younger age, hopefully you'll develop your own perspective as you experience growing pains as we all do. If you're reading this at an older age, I know I have much more to learn but I am blessed to have experienced this much so far.
At 30, my thoughts, preferences, beliefs, and enjoyment have solidified everything I've ever wanted to feel or begin to feel. Some things I didn't know I wanted and others I knew I had to let go of in order to receive my blessings. I look forward to this chapter.
What are some things you've learned during the journey of your life so far? Leave your comment(s) below.