3 Frightening Things That Throw You Off Your Game Every Time
The things that we must manage in the midst of balancing life and work or life and business are some of the most difficult things that we don’t often discuss or think about. Most of us understand that focusing on one thing in life is always at the expense of something else. In other words, if you are busy focusing on your career, I am sure other areas like your love life or friendships suffer and vice versa. If you are busy hanging out and chilling with your friends, your business is expensed.
It feels like every time I set my mind out to do something, the universe says, “oh yeah? Here’s a million challenges fam”. In the past, this pressure has caused an internal battle that lead to shameful indecisiveness. For a while I couldn’t decide how to do all that I wanted. I kept talking myself out of one or the other. Or, lying to myself about having to choose one thing over the other.
One morning I decided to just stop working, be still and get clarity. The same morning I received an email from Marie Forleo about an interview with Franchesca Ramsey. The interview was about doing it all. It was about being a multi-passionate personality and entrepreneur, the very thing many people tell you not to do or be. Many advise to “find that one thing”.
It took me a while to really understand why I rejected this statement. I understood that “they” meant to not try to be everything to everybody in a broad, over-the-top kind of way. But, for some odd reason, my spirit just didn’t settle with just being one thing.
Anyway, that morning I received confirmation. YOU CAN successfully be what you want to be, all that you want to be.
It discussed breaking out the box and not being conformed to one thing if you don’t want to. As I gained clarity and gave myself permission to move forward with my goals, I realized that I was battling myself pretty hard. I was also comparing the expectations I’d set for myself in the beginning to where I was or thought I should be. I didn’t see it as growth but failure.
On the same token, many people had expectations for something that wasn’t fulfilling for me anymore. So I dealt with pressure from that too. *deep sigh*
Personally, I like to analyze my feelings. It’s my way of getting to know me better. I like to get to the root cause of what I am feeling so I’ll know how to control my reaction the next time.
In addition to that, the more people I shared this with, I learned that we are all dealing with the same things. We were all fighting 3 intangible things that will literally take us down when we do not watch and control our reactions to it.
Internal pressure is my biggest challenge. I’ve always wanted to have a successful empire and be the best mother to my children. I quickly realized that being a single mother and trying to consistently build a profitable brand is no easy task. Not that I thought it was easy, but I definitely didn’t think it would be this hard.
Because things have been rocky, I’ve dealt with convictions about giving too much attention to business over my kids. I constantly stay somewhere between “I have to keep going to build this business until I get a breakthrough that allows me to take care of them without worry or debt” and “My kids are getting older and business will have to wait”. You may think it’s an easy task or decision to make. Kids always come first, right? Well, my truth is that I started my business because I want to be with my kids more, not because I am set out for money only. But, that is not what’s happening.
In fact, the opposite is happening and I’ve been beating myself up about it. There are some expected sacrifices when you’re building, growing, and nurturing a business. My goal was to create more time by initially investing time at the startup of business. I am doing it, but I feel guilty about doing it.
Internal pressure is the #1 thing that can throw us off our game because it’s a battle with ourselves.
Internal pressure can be unspoken expectations of how you think your life is supposed to be. When you feel pressured, it is very important to take a step back, regardless of what others think you should do.
You can learn to shut other pressures out, but you have to wake up and go to sleep with yourself at the end of the day. You are the only one to hear your thoughts in the shower, on the way to work or school, and before bed. Slow down and own your decision of resolution.
There are two types of pressures you get from the outside world: expectations from others and opinions.
When people expect you to be something you’re not interested in becoming, they put you in a box. They try to make you feel guilty about your preferences. On the other hand, some people have great intentions with their expectations because they see a higher potential in you. It’s a similar type of pressure if you don’t see yourself the way they see you. One is negative, one is meant for good.
The opinions of others, especially from people who hold no value in your life, shouldn’t affect you but let’s face it, sometimes they do. It’s best to quickly learn to agree to disagree in these instances. It’s up to you to determine if you want to listen to other people. You must understand that if you do, their opinions are not facts.
Learn to only take what you need. Remember, if it don’t apply, let it fly.
External pressure isn’t necessarily a negative or positive thing. It’s a case-by-case situation but the person who holds higher expectations than you do in different areas of your life and business can create pressure for you.
You’ll learn to release external pressures when you get to know yourself better, build confidence, and only accept opinions from the people who matter, the people you respect.
Comparison is like a combination of the two above, internal and external pressure. Comparison can be good if you use it to push you. It’s perfectly normal to compare yourself to others. Contrary to popular belief, some jealousy is okay too if it’s used to positively impact you. However, if you compare yourself more often than you’d like, allow me to tell you why you’re feelings are not facts:
You are only seeing a glimpse – If you have a guilty pleasure of something like a reality TV show or HGTV shows, you only see what the producers allow you to see. Turmoil or not, you’re only seeing a small portion of what people have, what people are doing, and who they know. If comparing your position to a glimpse of a person’s lifestyle causes you internal pressure. Stop and remind yourself of where you are and where you’ve come from.
Your position is perfect for your level - People tend to think that they could do things better than other people who possess more but the truth is, you may not be able to handle what someone has because it wasn’t meant for you to handle to begin with. Honestly, you won’t know how you’d handle a position until you get it. You may not even like the position when you get it so watch this comparison closely!
Internal pressure, external pressure, and comparison kill many things everyday. Some of us are wondering why we are feeling and thinking some of our thoughts. Well my friend, it could be one or more of these things. We all deal with these pressures. Some you can control, others you can’t but it’s up to you to manage and control how you will respond to these things. The mind will eat you alive if you allow it. You are not your thoughts so don’t get off your game. If you do, don’t stay off too long.