10 Ways to Build Confidence When You’re at Your Lowest
Do you find yourself in search for something or someone to save you, even if momentary, from the things you hate to think about or feel? Do you do things like smoke, drink, have sex, party, sleep a lot, overeat, or overly indulge in guilty pleasures? Well, good news for you! You’re not alone. The downside, however, is that no one or none of those things are going to save you.
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This, my friend, is something that you must do for yourself. The thing about temporary pain killers (alcohol, sex, medicines or other addictions, etc.) is that they only last for so long. That’s why you have to continue to fill up on them to satisfy your level of discomfort or pain. You have to keep voluntarily giving your power and energy to those things as long as the problem still exists.
Unfortunately, all of the stress and problems you’re trying to avoid won’t go away. They will always come back unless you truly take control and face them. Sometimes, they come back at the worse times and in front of the wrong people. And trust me, it’s such a bad look!
Though unpopular, it is quite healthy to run towards your problems. It is okay to choose to deal with them later as they come, but it is not okay to never deal with them at all and let them fester. The result of this hurts way too many people, including you.
We are all a work in progress. We are all dealing with some things we need to improve upon. With that being said, it’s okay to have good days and to feel good about yourself while you’re working on you. It’s also okay to honor your strengths and focus on the things that you’re grateful for when you have a bad day or few (because those will come in a row sometimes).
I get that all of us don’t possess strengths to find happiness when we are at our lowest. I’ve personally been very down low at one point in my life. I was pessimistic and could only see blurry. It happens.
With the recent suicides from the celebs Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain plus discussions with friends who are struggling with self identity, I’ve been urged to research the mindset behind suicidal thoughts, lack of self love and how to build ourselves up when our tanks are on E.
Before I get to my suggestions, I have a confession...
I confess that I’ve internalized it and it’s made me sad over the last couple of week (#EmpathProblems) so I am sharing some strategies I use to help build myself back to a healthy space and state of mind.
If you’re reading this post and are or have not been feeling like the strong person you should/could be, I want you to know that riding the wave of happiness is all apart of life and it’s totally okay to allow yourself to feel other emotions outside of happiness.
This blog post is confirmation that life is happening all around you. It can affect you, yes. Sometimes you change the way life may be happening based on the decisions you make. However, life happening is not a direct indication that it is always happening to you. It’s not. There is a difference.
Below are 10 things that have helped me build mental muscle after I stopped fighting the “be happy” at all times mantras and started choosing and accepting my emotions so I can process them better. Try them:
The number #1 thing I did was start accepting the things I can’t change. I know we hear it all the time, but this one is so important. It’s one thing we must do to be set free of society and cultural standards. We all are beautifully made. There will always be things we dislike about ourselves and things we love that others dislike. The truth about all of this is that we can’t satisfy everyone so the person we need to focus on is ourselves. We have to focus on the things that make us fulfilled. I ask, what makes you truly happy and keeps you intune with your inner being?
If you don’t know what makes you happy, how can you be of service to others? How can others be of service to you? Think about that and revisit this post later.
Once we start accepting the things that we can’t or don’t want to change, we stop giving the opinions of others power.
Book a professional photoshoot
Get your hair and nails professionally done, buy nice undergarments (curvy and thick ladies, this place is heaven!), and take professional photos. Beauty is inner, but it’s also in the eye of the beholder. Others can’t define beauty for you. You define it, however that looks. Remember how you feel as you go through the process of getting glammed up. Take behind-the-scene selfies. Remember how you feel once you see the finished edits. Do this for you. Do it often. Capture yourself living!
Learn something new
If intellect is a stimulant for you, make it your business to learn something new. Consuming information that helps you become a better you is very fulfilling. It can refocus your mind and energy. Take a class to cook, learn accounting, or learn something creative that you’ve always wanted to do. Whether you decide to do this on or offline, find something new to check off your bucket list or goals checklist.
Help someone else who’s struggling
Universal law basically states in a nutshell, “you get what you give”. If you need something, help someone else get what they need. As ass backwards as that sounds, you’re giving what you will receive. I’ve tried this and it works. When I am down, I tell someone else how thankful I am for them. I help someone improve their business where I can. I spend time with babies and relieve their mom of stress for a couple of hours.
Do something new and different
What you normally say no to, do it for once! Learn to say fuck it. I did this with traveling. I got tired of waiting on the right time. I would wait on people or my funds to get to where I wanted them to be. I knew I wanted experiences more than I wanted to stay in the same location. So, I started traveling and meet people along the journey. My first trip was to Atlanta. I met people I didn’t know in the city and on the flight back home. I met a dear friend after being cool for a couple of years online. Just my speed. Try that!
Write every strength you have on paper
This one is simple, remind yourself of your worth every time you catch yourself overthinking by writing what you love about yourself and what others love about you. If you need to, get in front of the mirror and say those things out loud. You will feel crazy, but you’ll get used to it! Saying things out loud and to yourself will program your mind to agree. ;)
Daily affirmations could help you tremendously! I’ve found them to be extremely powerful in guiding your thoughts and feelings towards positivism!
A therapeutic journal will help you get through your day! When in doubt, write it out!
Say NO confidently
You must learn to do something for you. It’s okay to not be available. In fact, be a lot less accessible. It is healthy to treat yourself better or the same as you’ve done for others. When you’re down and you have nothing else to give, let others no that you’re not available. Those that matter won’t care and will understand.
We have to stop thinking that we have to always be there for people. We leave ourselves out way too much. We matter too.
Change your rules
We all have standards for ourselves and sometimes those standards create stress for us. The best thing that has ever happened to me was heartbreak. I swear you’ll hear me say this one million times across this blog because it was the one life changing thing I endured that built a lot of muscle.
Life really can be simpler if we let it. We create all these rules for ourselves and we get in our own way. We want things to turn out just as we’ve envisioned and sometimes there’s more to be given to us if we learn to just shut our egos up and let’s the universe do its thing.
So learn to adjust your rules, higher or lower as needed. Some things aren’t as serious as we think we are.
Acknowledge your insecurities
The best way to combat your insecurities is to confront them then start working on them one by one. Remind yourself that you have survived life’s challenges thus far and you’re meant to bend but not break.
We are made perfectly imperfect. Perfect is too boring anyway. We all have insecurities. Let’s not allow those insecurities to dictate what we feel about ourselves in entirety. It’s not that serious. One flaw or mistake can’t define you, so don’t you let it.
Trust your gut
Your gut never lies. You don’t need permission to do what you already know is wrong or right. If your first mind tells you no, and your gut bothers you as you do different things, trust your gut. Stop purposely hurting yourself. Whatever decisions you make, do it with full confidence.
Reap the lesson, benefit, or energy later but make sure you follow your gut with every decision you make.
Final words: You’re enough. Stop watching other people live their lives and start living for YOU! Start doing more for you today. Healing won’t always feel good, but it is always worth it.
Blessings to you!