10 Commandments for the #Unbothered
Everyone has an assigned amount of time on this earth. Most of us take advantage of this limited resource day to day. I like to look at our assigned amount of time as a budget. Let’s call this our “Fuck Budget” or for my more conservative reader “Budget of Care”. Each person chooses what they will or won’t care about with every decision they make. They also choose how they will care for what they choose.
I am a passionate advocate for checking the f**k budget when it comes to time these days. In hindsight, I think about all of the silly things that kept me up at night and think “I’ve survived 100% of everything I’ve been through and I am better for it.” Why the hell am I up worrying or giving too many F's out the budget about this?
I encourage you to think the same. We think we have time and in actuality, we don’t have a lot time at all. There’s only so many f**ks you can give to any situation before time moves past you and life gets away from you. Have you ever met an older grumpy person who’s negative about everything? A lot of times these people have experienced a lot...some type of trauma that helped them develop their reality. There’s a lot of disappointment within them and to be honest, this mindset is exactly how life gets away from you.
There is no reason to waste your precious time caring about unimportant, childish, irrelevant things or people. You must remain unbothered in a way that allows growth to happen. To do that, there are 10 commandments to actively live by:
“If it was me…”, I would/wouldn’t…., You should feel/think like that…” ← All of this mess is a waste of breath if it is coming from someone who is highly insignificant in or to your life. So here’s the very first commandment about protecting your energy and fuck budget:
Thou shalt not allow any insignificant person to influence how I think, feel, react, or respond to anything.
They haven't earned that position. They do not get "a say".
Sometimes we can be the ones in our own way. Our mind is so complex that our thoughts literally carve and mold our reality. We can literally think about something so much that we start to believe it. Here’s the second commandment:
Thou shalt always check myself when doubt comes to my mind.
"Do you know who you are? This is or is not what you do. Look yourself in the mirror when doubt comes to mind and tell yourself all about your strengths and greatest attributes to this world! Use actions words. “I am, I will, I have…” You better fall back in line and beast up. Get beasty!"
Sometimes we love someone so much that we play stupid or unaware to appease them and we know damn well we are so much more. Here’s three:
Thou shalt never be continuously manipulated by the people I love, especially at the expense of my own happiness.
It’s really a poor percentage of self-respect if this happens continuously. Don’t allow the anger of others nor habitual sob stories people feed you to encourage you to do things you know you would never do.
If they can't respect you enough to speak to you like an adult when they are angry, they don't get your time. If they can’t respect you enough to speak to you directly about their circumstance and keep it real, they do not get your resources. DO NOT let anyone use you. Remember, you teach people (friends, family and associates) how to treat you.
If you are the strong friend, usually you are the one pouring into other people and not many people pour into you. Sad to say, when you are like this (available for everyone else’s needs) people tend to become entitled to your time... the fourth commandment for you:
Thou shalt take “people breaks” to recharge, reflect, and regroup as needed, without forced explanations to anyone.
Make them respect your space.
The many times we choose to ignore the care budget is when there are people we want and don’t need present. Number five deserves a shout and a high-five:
Thou shalt not have relationship problems with people I am not in a relationship with.
Stop losing sleep over situationships. You should not be in them anyway and you know it. Give more important things in your life that energy!
Now, number six:
Thou shalt not participate in spreading rumors or participating in gossip.
If you can’t leave a conversation with something to ADD to your life, you’ve wasted precious time you can’t get back. Why do you even care anyway? You have too much time on your hands if you have time for this nonsense.
Thou shalt match other’s frequency and not interrupt it. On the same token, thou shalt not allow anyone with lower frequency to come and interrupt mine.
Are we trying stay leveled and unbothered, or nah?
Learn to match energy or ignore it altogether. Don’t make it hard.
Thou shalt not stress over anything I can’t control.
An oldie but a goodie. It stands as the truth every day. If you can not control it, meaning to literally get up and change what is happening to you or around you, change how you view/think about it. It’s simple → If you could control it, you would. Period. Now, get some rest and let life flow.
Thou shalt always practice acceptance.
Speaking of control, the only thing you can control is how you view life and your fuck budget. Check the budget! ACCEPT what has happened, take control of the situation and decide how you will move forward. Once you decide, then ACT. That is how you heal. That is how things get better.
P.S. No one said healing is fun. It’s not supposed to be a joy ride. Learn from the aches of your pain while you take your life back and get control.
Thou shalt always strive to stay on the path of self-discovery.
This is another control tactic. People can only do what you allow them to do. This includes giving them permission to make you angry, frustrated, sad, and/or disappointed. This also includes excitement, love, and more.
No one can use what you already know about yourself against you. This is why commandment #9, acceptance, is so important which closely relates to 10. During your journey, you will learn things you like and don’t like about yourself. Accept them and work on the things you can control and change. If someone tries to use anything against you, your level of being #unbothered will be the highest because you won’t give them permission to make you feel any kind of way about your past or current decisions in life.Trust me.
#Unbothered - showing or lacking interest in something.
You teach people how to treat you by the way you treat yourself. You give people permission to interrupt your energy when you do not watch the f**k budget. Thank you for reading!