Everyone has an assigned amount of time on this earth. Most of us take advantage of this limited resource day to day. I like to look at our assigned amount of time as a budget. Let’s call this our “Fuck Budget” or for my more conservative reader “Budget of Care”. Each person chooses what they will or won’t care about with every decision they make. They also choose how they will care for what they choose. I am a passionate advocate for checking the f**k budget when it comes to time these days…
At a really low point in my life, I didn’t realize how toxic I was. Not many people could approach me. I was a perfectionist, and avoided the truth about my flaws. Only after I’ve looked back at past experiences did I think, “Damn, I was sour as hell back then” and immediately started being very mindful about how I conversed with others and distributed my energy internally and externally.
I used to say that I can’t find balance a lot. I used to want everything to fall into place and fit into this imaginative storyline I’ve painted for myself in regards to what I thought my life should look like. After a lot of self work, I believe I wasn’t looking for balance at all. Or, at least I’d been using the wrong word to describe my struggle. The thing I was looking for was acceptance.
Do you find yourself in search for something or someone to save you, even if momentary, from the things you hate to think about or feel? Do you do things like smoke, drink, have sex, party, sleep a lot, overeat, or overly indulge in guilty pleasures? Well, good news for you! You’re not alone. The downside, however, is that no one or none of those things are going to save you.
It would be naive to think that everyone whos come into my path meant well for me. It would be ignorant and self-flattering to believe that everyone I loved, loved me back in the same way. It would also be silly to think that I had to prove something to people who blatantly told me that I would never be like my sister (with the assumption that it was my goal), that I think I am better than other people, that I am mean, that they hate the fact that “everyone thinks that I such a good girl” and I would be proven otherwise. I’ll stop here.
For a long time, I've felt out of place. I could never understand why I was so "funny-acting" as others put it. I've always been very particular about the things I did and the people I kept as company. Before I found out who I was, I tried to blend with peers my age. I felt isolated and left out of the "norm". It didn't work and joining them never felt right, so I just gave into trying to join the norm and be me. Years ago, I accepted that I am very different from several groups of people. This acceptance has helped me start my journey of self-discovery.
The term “growing pains” will never be so literal when your life starts to transition into a better version of you. Things will start to be different. Your perception about your environment will change. You’ll be forced to take the blurry goggles off and see life for what it truly is and who you are becoming through various experiences which unfortunately, includes pain.
Many people think that their job is in the way of their dreams and that they'd have more time to focus on their craft and dreams if they were a full time entrepreneur. I understand that feeling all too well, but this is not always true. What I've discovered is the silver lining for all of my aspiring full time entrepreneurs who still rock their 9 to 5.
If you're frustrated with your current position, this blog is for you. If you are interested in understanding what you have at your exposure by working for someone else, this blog is for you. If you want to know what I've learned about business, this blog is also for you.
Sharing my thoughts with my tribe is my way connecting and creating conversation. We don't always have to agree, but it's important that we talk about topics that many don't want to discuss. Always remember, if it don't apply, let it fly!