The biggest lesson that I am learning is that our parents did the best they could, with what they had and knew; their best and not what or how we define ‘ the best’. They did the best they could after dealing or carrying their own trauma while trying to raise us. Even for those physically absent or emotionally absent parents, they are living with and/or reacting to the things they were taught, the things they told themselves, and their trauma.
Self-work can only be done by YOU. It isn’t the responsibility of your parents or guardian. You can’t take back what was done, but it is your responsibility to move forward. You’re worth the process. You deserve to heal!
Never feel entitled to their space and thoughts. Many of us do this. We feel self-entitled to believe that we deserve a certain reaction or response from other people who handle their life and situations differently than we do. Expecting others to conform to what we think should happen is self-entitlement. It isn’t fair to the other person.
Personal boundaries are extremely crucial to have a well-balanced life. Do the self-work! Understand what you need in order to feel safe, happy, appreciated and loved. Know that others are doing the same for their life. At some point, boundaries will cross paths. They may not be the most comfortable, but they are fair
Solitude can be used to strengthen your mind, heart, and soul. It is meant to help you learn and heal simultaneously. It is not meant for you to suffer although you’ll experience growing pains while in it. It is a safe place of peace that welcomes you when you’re wounded. It is also a safe place for you to understand, accept, and improve your decision making; to reflect and regroup.
Each experience you grow through requires a different you. The reason why you’ve survived more than you can imagine is that something prepared you to have the strength to do so. Gaining clarity hurts sometimes. So when you’re feeling inadequate, lost or not yourself, love yourself through it anyway and repeat these 5 reminders.
Have you ever reached out to someone to vent and left the conversation more pissed?
Have you ever wanted someone to be empathetic and just listen without always having something to say?
Have you ever talked to someone in general conversation who turned out to be insensitive to your situation?
At some point or another, we all have.
Everyone has an assigned amount of time on this earth. Most of us take advantage of this limited resource day to day. I like to look at our assigned amount of time as a budget. Let’s call this our “Fuck Budget” or for my more conservative reader “Budget of Care”. Each person chooses what they will or won’t care about with every decision they make. They also choose how they will care for what they choose. I am a passionate advocate for checking the f**k budget when it comes to time these days…
At a really low point in my life, I didn’t realize how toxic I was. Not many people could approach me. I was a perfectionist, and avoided the truth about my flaws. Only after I’ve looked back at past experiences did I think, “Damn, I was sour as hell back then” and immediately started being very mindful about how I conversed with others and distributed my energy internally and externally.
I used to say that I can’t find balance a lot. I used to want everything to fall into place and fit into this imaginative storyline I’ve painted for myself in regards to what I thought my life should look like. After a lot of self work, I believe I wasn’t looking for balance at all. Or, at least I’d been using the wrong word to describe my struggle. The thing I was looking for was acceptance.
Do you find yourself in search for something or someone to save you, even if momentary, from the things you hate to think about or feel? Do you do things like smoke, drink, have sex, party, sleep a lot, overeat, or overly indulge in guilty pleasures? Well, good news for you! You’re not alone. The downside, however, is that no one or none of those things are going to save you.
It would be naive to think that everyone whos come into my path meant well for me. It would be ignorant and self-flattering to believe that everyone I loved, loved me back in the same way. It would also be silly to think that I had to prove something to people who blatantly told me that I would never be like my sister (with the assumption that it was my goal), that I think I am better than other people, that I am mean, that they hate the fact that “everyone thinks that I such a good girl” and I would be proven otherwise. I’ll stop here.
For a long time, I've felt out of place. I could never understand why I was so "funny-acting" as others put it. I've always been very particular about the things I did and the people I kept as company. Before I found out who I was, I tried to blend with peers my age. I felt isolated and left out of the "norm". It didn't work and joining them never felt right, so I just gave into trying to join the norm and be me. Years ago, I accepted that I am very different from several groups of people. This acceptance has helped me start my journey of self-discovery.
The term “growing pains” will never be so literal when your life starts to transition into a better version of you. Things will start to be different. Your perception about your environment will change. You’ll be forced to take the blurry goggles off and see life for what it truly is and who you are becoming through various experiences which unfortunately, includes pain.
Many people think that their job is in the way of their dreams and that they'd have more time to focus on their craft and dreams if they were a full time entrepreneur. I understand that feeling all too well, but this is not always true. What I've discovered is the silver lining for all of my aspiring full time entrepreneurs who still rock their 9 to 5.
If you're frustrated with your current position, this blog is for you. If you are interested in understanding what you have at your exposure by working for someone else, this blog is for you. If you want to know what I've learned about business, this blog is also for you.
“I got tired of catching up with everyone and hearing all of the things they had going on, and only having a response about my oldest or newest relationship.”, a paraphrased statement from a recent conversation I’ve had. You know what I respect the most? People who are honest with themselves, the ones who are vulnerable enough to admit they’ve fucked up. It’s the only way to improve after admission and the willpower to do so.
It's very important to network and nurture relationships in your personal and professional life. I totally get wanting to be cool with someone or wanting to know information that others seem to have. But, ladies (and gents), there is a way to do it. There are a few things I've experienced that are not acceptable when attempting to network with me or for me (you'll understand, keep reading).
Dating and starting a business can be hard especially when the people we court don’t get the sacrifices necessary to accomplish goals. Not all people aspire to be great. Those who don’t often have a hard time dating those that do. That’s why it’s important to know and wholeheartedly understand how to date someone, a woman in particular, as an asset and grow with her instead of becoming a liability during her journey.
Goodness! If I could've only understood this when I was younger, I would've made better decisions across the board. I get that I would've missed out on valuable lessons had I not made decisions, but I sure would have avoided some very painful moments.
Internal pressure is my biggest challenge. I’ve always wanted to have a successful empire and be the best mother to my children. I quickly realized that being a single mother and trying to consistently build a profitable brand is no easy task. Not that I thought it was easy, but I definitely didn’t think it would be this hard.